


To Please You (What I’ll Do)

by Nedschlorinee



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Angst, Breakup, Hurt No Comfort, Josh needs a hug, M/M, Not yet anyways, PTSD, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Tyler means well, tyler is oblivious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-07-11 19:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19933027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nedschlorinee/pseuds/Nedschlorinee
Summary: “If you don’t want to, just fucking say so Josh. Don’t come up with excuses.”Josh knew this was going to happen eventually.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another vent fic because those are easiest to write lol. I hope this comes across how I wanted it to. Mentions of previous abuse/non-con, be safe.

“Please baby,” Tyler murmurs in his ear, “I want you so bad.”

Josh knew this was going to happen, it always does. Every time Josh and Tyler went to visit Tyler’s family, they always stayed in Ty’s old bedroom. And every time they came to visit, Tyler wanted to fuck him. 

Josh didn’t know why being in his old bedroom was such a turn on for Tyler, butit was obvious that it was. Josh was all for it the first time they visited. It didn’t take much for him to cum that morning; with Tyler’s fingers down his throat to keep him quiet as Ty gently thrust into him. A part of him was excited by the fact that they could have been caught. Tyler’s parents could have came up any moment, yelling that breakfast was ready. But that was before, and things felt different now.

“Wanna fuck you.” Tyler growled into his ear after they were settled in bed for the night. His hand went towards Josh’s soft member to palm him through his shorts. Josh squirmed.

“Ty-“ Josh whispered, “Your.. your parents are still awake, they’ll hear us.”

“No they won’t. They never do.” He replied, planting hot kisses against Josh’s neck. Josh groaned quietly. Not because he was turned on, but because he wasn’t.

He didn’t know why he got like this sometimes ( _yes_ _he did)._ He loved Tyler more than anything, but Tyler had a much higher sex drive than Josh. And right now, Josh was just not in the mood. All he could think about was how tired he was, and the fact that he didn’t want to do anything right now. And that definitely wasn’t going to help him get it up. 

Tyler started rubbing Josh harder through his shorts, and eventually slipped his hand through his waistband to grasp him. Dread filled Josh’s chest. Josh needed to stop him now, before they got too far. He could never say no to Tyler, never never never ( _don’t you dare_ ). He needed to come up with an excuse, to make it sound like he wanted to, but they couldn’t. Tyler wouldn’t be as upset then, right? _He won’t hurt me._ Shame flushed his chest and cheeks. “I- I didn’t pack a condom or lube, we don’t have anything.” He rushed out, trying to not sound like he was starting to panic. 

Tyler smirked against Josh’s neck, biting his ear gently, completely oblivious to Josh’s attempt to stop him. “I packed them. We have both.” He replied simply, continuing his movements against Josh’s dick. _Shit._ Tyler shifts his position to straddle Josh’s legs, planting an eager kiss to his lips. Josh kisses back robotically, his mind reeling to think of something else. He contemplates just letting Tyler do what he wants, get it over with. They hadn’t fucked in at least a week, and it wasn’t fair to Tyler. He was being a shitty boyfriend and he knew it. Tears starting to prick at his eyes. 

Tyler’s moving down now, pressing heated kisses and nips to Josh’s shirtless chest. Josh feels like he’s battling a war inside his head, a dull ache is left where each kiss is planted. _You should want this, you shouldn’t be freaking out because your boyfriends wants to fuck you, what the hell is wrong with you, stop being a little bi-_

“Wait-“ Josh chokes out. He feels like he’s trying to talk with a throat full of sand. Tyler stops his movements, and Josh can feel a frustrated sigh hit just above his waistband. Tyler doesn’t look up at him, but Josh can feel his annoyance. It rings horribly in the room like a mic feedback. 

“I-I’m.. I’m sorry. I jus-“

“If you don’t want to, just fucking say so Josh. Don’t come up with excuses.” Tyler snaps. He finally jerks his head up to stare at him, and Josh swears he can see hatred in his eyes. 

Josh gapes as Tyler gets off of him and lays back down on his side of the bed, turning away from Josh. There’s a horrible silence for what feels like forever. Josh starts to shake after a few minutes, the tension he feels making him so anxious. _He’s not going to hurt me, he wouldn’t do that. I don’t think he would do that. He’s not him. But he’ll never forgive me. I can’t handle this agai-_

Josh wants more than anything to hug him and apologize a million times. He’ll let him do it, he can do whatever he wants to him as long as Tyler doesn’t hate him. He doesn’t touch him though, or utter a single word, because he’s so scared that if he does Tyler will turn around and backhand him. Or worse.

_ He’s not him. _

He lays as stiff as a board until he hears Tyler’s breathing slow as he falls asleep.

It’s only then that Josh lets the tears flow over his cheeks. He sobs as quietly as he can so he doesn’t wake Tyler up, but can’t help the sniffles he makes. He doesn’t know how long he lays there, until Tyler stirs and turns toward him. Josh freezes, fear flooding his heart and making his fingers go numb. 

“You okay baby?” Tyler mumbles sleepily, barely opening his eyes to look at Josh.

“Yeah,” Josh croaks, “I’m fine. Just my allergies.”

Tyler is too sleepy to question it, he just nods and drifts back to sleep with a soft snore.

Josh eventually falls asleep thinking about the things Tyler can never know about, and how much he hates himself. 


	2. Giving In

The following morning, Josh wakes before Tyler. He’s exhausted and sore from the thin mattress they slept on, but busies himself by packing their things and cleaning the room until Tyler wakes up. He needs a distraction, he needs to not think about the night before.

Tyler acts completely normal once he’s woken up, giving Josh a sweet kiss on the cheek to say good morning. It’s almost as if last night never happened. It did though; and Josh doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the look Tyler had in his eyes. A look that said Tyler was sick of him ( _again_ _),_ that Josh was never going to be forgiven for what he’s done.

(Ty doesn’t know the half of it). 

Josh is determined to do everything he can to make Tyler happy with him. He tells Tyler that he loves him (so that Tyler will know. He has to say it). He hugs both of Tyler’s parents extra long, acting extremely cheerful as they say goodbye. He offers to drive the entirety of the trip home, a few hours to get back. He gives Ty the aux cord and tells him he can play whatever he wants. Tyler is happy, and thinks nothing suspicious of it all.

They’re about halfway home, and Josh can feel himself struggling to keep his eyes open, almost drifting over the center of the highway a few times.

Tyler placing his burning hand way too high on Josh’s thigh is enough to jerk him awake. 

“You okay? Want me to take over?” Tyler says with a concerned look on his face.

“No, no I’m fine. I’m sorry.” Josh says quickly, a million more times awake then he was a second ago. He swears Tyler’s hand is burning through his jeans, and he can’t suppress a flinch in attempt to get away from it.

“Okay..” Tyler says slowly. He takes his hand back off Josh’s thigh and awkwardly holds it in his lap, like he doesn’t know what to do with it.

Josh can hear the silence screech in the air, until the next song on Tyler’s playlist starts.

“I’m.. I’m gonna cook dinner tonight. For you. What sounds good?” 

“You’re not gonna cook for yourself too?” Tyler replies, a playful smirk on his lips as he attempts to lighten the mood. He hopes that Josh will grin and come back with something equally sarcastic (like before), but instead he just exhales a shaky laugh and a quiet “Oh, yeah.”

Tyler frowns at that, and hesitates for a moment. “Whatever sounds good to you babe. If you don’t want to cook, we can just run through Taco Bell.”

Josh only answers by nodding his head. Part of him wishes that Tyler would just smack him in the face and tell him what he wanted him to do. But he _probably_ would never. 

The sun is starting to set by the time they get home. Josh is ready to fall asleep standing at this point, but he promised to make dinner and he’s _not_ going to fuck it up.

“I’m just gonna unpack, and then I’ll start the food” Josh says, still having no idea what he’s going to make. 

Josh walks into their bedroom and opens up his bag, tossing the dirty clothes into the hamper. He takes his shirt off and adds it to the pile, positive that he sweat through it completely today. He always sweats when he’s nervous, and lately that’s all he’s been.

Tyler pads into the room, his shirt already thrown into the washer along with his jeans. Josh notices his lack of clothes but doesn’t say anything. It makes him uneasy, and he hates himself for that. 

Tyler comes behind him and gently wraps him arms around Josh. Josh can already feel how hard Tyler is, and probably has been all day.

He feels like he’s being suffocated.

“I love you so much..” Tyler murmurs, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder, nuzzling it.

Josh knows what he wants. He can’t expect him to wait any longer.

“I love you too” He whispers, like it’s a death sentence. 

Tyler lets out a small hum, and begins pressing kisses from the curve of Josh’s shoulder up to behind his ear. He’s trying to press as much love as he can into each one. All Josh can feel is pain.

Josh gets to the part where Tyler is gently laying him back on the bed before a scared whimper escapes through his closed lips. Tyler takes it the wrong way, and moans earnestly against him. It’s funny how fear and discomfort can sound so much like arousal ( _if you’re not listening_ )

Josh is too exhausted to do anything but give in. He knows he’s been a terrible boyfriend, but he can make it up to him now. He has to. Tyler has needs, just like every normal person in the world.

Josh guesses that he’s not normal anymore.

He loves Tyler, he doesn’t want Tyler to leave him. He can do this.

Tyler is caring and precise like he always was in prepping him. He does everything right, but in a way it doesn’t even matter. Josh tries his best to let some moans out that sound like he’s enjoying it, and not like he wants to die. Tyler only gets a few thrusts in before Josh starts to crumble.

Tyler doesn’t notice at first, his eyes closed in pleasure at he rocks against him. When he opens his eyes though, he sees the tears running down his face and he stops in shock.

“Are you okay? Am I hurting you?” He asks, his moments halting. 

_No. Yes._ Josh doesn’t even know which way to move his head. He ends up shaking his head no to only answer the last question. He’s cursing himself for not being able to keep it together until it was over. Now he’s ruined it, just like he ruins everything. It’s his fault why he feels this way, after all.

“I’m fine. I promise.” Josh answers, his voice sounding much more stable that how he feels on the inside. Tyler replies by giving him a heated, passionate kiss that makes him want to vomit.

_ What the hell is wrong with you? _

It doesn’t take much longer for Tyler to finish with a short cry, and Josh almost sobs with relief. Tyler is gentle as he pulls out, humming with content and peppering kisses onto Josh’s chest lazily. He must not notice how much Josh is shaking, to Josh it feels like an earthquake inside him. “You didn’t finish.. Want me to blow you?”

Josh stands up as fast as he can. 

He definitely doesn’t want that, wouldn’t be able to handle it _it’s not supposed to hurt_. He’s desperate to be alone before he completely breaks down, he’s so fucking close to completely losing it and he doesn’t want Tyler to see that. He’ll be so confused and mad and everything could happen all over again. Josh doesn’t want that. 

“Woah, Josh? Josh! What’s wrong? What are yo-“

“I’m fine, I ju-just gotta clean up. I’ll be right back, I promise”. Josh croaks, the tears falling faster than he can get his legs moving. The bathroom feels so far away.

“Baby, wait, wait a second” Tyler says, rushing in front of him and wrapping an arm around his waist. Josh almost screams in frustration but it comes out as a whine. 

Tyler wraps himself around Josh in a protective hug, his hand reaching to the curls on Josh’s neck to run his fingers through them. And that’s it, Josh can’t hold it in anymore. He starts to quietly sob against Tyler’s chest, and Tyler is terrified.

“What.. what’s going on babe? Why are you so upset?

Josh can’t answer, can’t even form words if he wanted to. Each breath he takes comes out harsher than the previous one, and his sobs are growing in force. 

Tyler is quiet for a moment, his mind reaching for something to say that won’t further upset him. He feels like he’s fucked up immensely, like he’s violated Josh and he doesn’t know why.

“Josh..” Tyler says cautiously, “If you ever don’t want to do something, please just tell me. I won’t be upset, I promise. You’re scaring me..”

Josh’s only response is panicked sobs, some words are in there but he can’t hardly understand them. He thinks he catches an “I’m fine”, and “please don’t leave.”

Tyler gently sits them back down on the edge of the bed, Josh practically sitting in his lap. He does everything he knows to help calm Josh down, but it takes a while for any improvement to come. Tyler spends that time desperately trying to figure out why Josh has been acting so off. He has been since..

Tyler clears his throat, interrupting Josh’s sniffles and hiccups. He hopes he doesn’t say anything to make the night worse.

“Jish.. can you please tell me what you’re thinking? I can tell something is wrong.. You’ve been acting so different, ever since we got back together...”

Josh is frozen on Tyler’s lap. Tyler doesn’t know what else to do but continue.

“I know I fucked up, leaving you. I hurt you and misunderstood you and I’m so, so sorry. I’d take it back if I could, I’ve told you that. You don’t.. you don’t regret it, do you? Getting back together?”

Josh lets out a painful sob and shakes his head furiously. He clings to Tyler, clinging to the only person that’s kept him alive, even when they were apart.

Because if not for Tyler, Josh would probably be dead by now. Even if Tyler did break his heart.

“Okay, it’s okay.. I’m sorry. Let’s just calm down for tonight, alright? We can talk about it later.”

Josh nods reluctantly, getting to the point of exhaustion that he doesn’t even know if he’s dreaming or not. He could be, he supposed. He won’t speak though. Even if it was a dream, he wouldn’t spill whats sucking the life out of him and killing him slowly.

Josh doesn’t regret getting back together with Tyler. He regrets what happened while they were apart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	3. Different Pages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I picture this fic to be based in 2013-ish?? They are in the band together, but they aren’t nearly as popular and the band itself won’t be mentioned much. Just wanted to clear some of that up.
> 
> This chapter is loooong. It’s important though.

Looking back, Josh has always been an idiot.

When Tyler ended things with Josh, Josh did not see it coming. 

Everything seemed normal to him. He was happy with Tyler, thought they were happy together. He was so thankful to have Tyler in his life. Tyler was his universe and he would do anything for him, lay down and die for him.

Problem is, he rarely expressed those thoughts outside of his own head.

Josh always struggled saying his feelings out loud. There’s a reason why he’s not the singer. 

He assumed Tyler knew how much he loved him, how could he not? But Tyler must not have known. 

“I just don’t think that we’re on the same page.” Tyler had said, sitting down across Josh at the kitchen table. Tyler kept his head down, eyes pinching with stress (and tears?), focused on his twitching and wringing hands. 

“I’ve thought about it a lot and just can’t hold it in anymore. You just.. you don’t seem happy. I don’t think that I make you happy, and that’s not fair to either of us. I don’t want you to settle, or think we have to be in a relationship just because we’re together all the time. That’s.. that’s not how it should be.”

Josh ( _as usual_ ) couldn’t find any words. When Tyler had asked to talk, he definitely didn’t expect this. Is this a nightmare?

All Josh could do was stare at Tyler in shock,

and that irritated Tyler.

“You seriously don’t have anything to say? It’s killing me saying all these thoughts out loud. Fuck, I’m trying to do what’s best for you! I’m trying to not be selfish, keeping you to myself when you’ll be happier with someone else! You have nothing to add?”

_Happier with someone else?_ Definitely not, never. What on earth was he thinking?

_ Speak, damn it. Say something. _

“N-no! I would never-“

“Never what? Never leave? Because you’re too scared to? You’d rather just be with me and mope around? I try so hard Josh, I-“ Tyler’s voice breaks with frustrated desperation, “I try to make you happy but it never works. I feel fuckinguseless when it comes to making you happy, and that’s a shit way to feel. I’m not who you need. I don’t know who is, but you should go find them. I want you to, I really do.”

Tyler was angry (angry at himself, angry for sounding so harsh) but he couldn’t help the hot tears that slipped down his cheeks with the last few words.

Josh was about to have a full blown panic attack at this point. He had no idea this was how Tyler felt, and it was so wrong. Josh was sad, he was _depressed_ for fucks sake ( _always has been)_. But that wasn’t because of Tyler! No, Tyler was the only person that helped him feel happy, somewhat normal. Tyler was ALL he needed. 

And now he wanted Josh to leave.

So Josh left. He packed his bag, giving Tyler one last painful glance as he went to leave (having no clue where to go). Tyler wouldn’t meet his eyes, wouldn’t even move from his spot on the sofa. His teeth were clenched, angry tears running down his red face. Josh sobbed as he closed the door behind him. He heard something crash inside the apartment, and couldn’t help but flinch, going down the stairs a little faster from their second story apartment. 

Josh was very surprised he didn’t wreck his car that night. He sobbed for an ungodly amount of time, his tears blurring all road signs and lights to the point he had no idea where he was heading. At this point, he didn’t care.

He drove for about 5 hours before forcing himself to stop, pulling into the first hotel that he saw. Thankfully, it looked safe. The town looked touristy, but inviting. Was he even in Ohio anymore? Probably not, what did it matter. Josh grabbed his bag and his phone from the car, checking his screen before he headed inside. No missed calls, no new messages. His chest aches.

Josh checks into the cheapest room that they have. When asked if he’s booking for one night or more, he starts crying again (he has to be running out of tears soon). The woman at the desk is kind, pats him on the hand and says “We’ll start with one, and go from there.”

Josh stays in his room for 2 days. He calls the front desk and asks to add another day onto his card, he can’t bring himselfto leave the room. He spends that time crying, watch pointless shows on TV, and forgetting to eat.

On the third night, Josh is able to peel himself from the bed and take a cold shower. He’s decided he wants to be drunk, and to do that he has to leave his room. He faintly remembers seeing a bar not far from the hotel, and that’ll do the job.

Josh looks like shit. His hair is a wild mess,dark bags are growing under his eyes (swollen and ugly from crying so much), and his face is looking more gaunt. He doesn’t know why he bothers to even look at himself.

It’s when Josh begins to leave the room that he finally looks at his phone. It had been silent the whole time, no messages or calls from anyone, until now. Now, he was getting texts one after the other.

But it wasn’t the one person who he wanted to hear from.

Mark: Tyler just told me. He’s an idiot. I’m talking some sense into him

Mark: Are you okay?

Mark: Where are you?

Josh is irritated by this for some reason. Mark doesn’t need to talk sense into Tyler. Tyler meant every word he said, and they were done. There was nothing Mark, or anybody else, could do to fix it.

Josh crushes his screen under his boot before he can think twice. He doesn’t need it anymore.

Fast forward a few hours, and Josh is at the bar down the street, the most drunk he’s been in his life. He thinks that this may be okay, that he can continue to live his worthless life if (and only if), he is this drunk from then on. He feels happy, laughing at nothing and no one. He can’t even feel the heart-wrenching ache in his chest anymore. He doesn’t even need Tyler.

Until he sees him.

Tyler, with his brown fluffy hair and slim build, standing at the bar talking to another man. His posture is flirty, and Josh feels like he’s been stabbed.

Could Tyler really move on that quickly?

“T-Ty!” Josh cries, trying to get his clumsy feet to get himself from his spot on the wall to the bar. Josh takes it all back, he can fix this. He just has to tell Ty how he feels, like he should have from the beginning. Josh will do _anything_ , he’ll worship the ground Tyler walks on, whatever he has to do he is ready to do it.

“Ty, baby” Josh slurs as he finally makes it to the bar. He grasps Tylers arm and tries his best to swallow. He needs to be able to say how he feels without fucking it up. “I’m so.. so sorry. I’m a horrible boyfren. I know. I’ll be better now, whateverr you want I’ll do it. Please, jus-“

Tyler’s turned around to face him now, and it’s not Tyler anymore. It could be him, but his lips are too thin and the angles of his face are too harsh. He’s taller too, almost towering over Josh. Not-Tyler laughs at him, and it makes Joshs’ hairs stand on end.

“I think you’re confusing me for someone else, Honey.” Not-Tyler says smoothly, his voice much deeper than Tyler’s. “Do you need some help?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just realized Not-Tyler sounds like it could be blurryface, but that is not what’s going on here lol.   
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Stuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are about to get a littleee creepy

Josh wakes up the next morning puking into a bucket, disoriented, and with no idea where he is.

He has a hangover from hell, and the panic he is feeling only adds to his nausea. But he also.. still feels drunk? He supposed he could be, he drank _a lot_. Josh fights between closing his eyes to block the piercing light, and keeping them open to scan his surroundings. He is positive he’s never been here before, and it’s scaring the shit out of him.

“Good afternoon, sleepy head!”

Josh jumps, whipping his head around to find the deep, cheerful voice is connected to the man from the bar last night.

The man that he was pathetically hanging onto, thinking it was Tyler.

Josh is frozen in his spot. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this afraid before. How did he get here? Who was this guy? Did he..

“Name’s Seth, by the way.. care for some water?” He asks, offering a tall glass to him. Josh takes is slowly, not taking his eyes off of Seth. He’s confused, uneasy, and does not trust him at all.

Now, in the light of the room, Josh can see that Seth doesn’t look like Tyler at all. He’s slim like Tyler, but is much taller and has more of a build to his arms. He has similar hair, but Seth’s is spiked with product, not soft and fluffy like Ty’s. His face is harsher too. His jaw is strong, lips thinner and the point of his nose is sharper. He looks older, maybe 5-6 years older than Josh.

And his eyes. They’re darker, and gleam with someone Josh can’t quite figure out.

It’s close, but it’s wrong. Not Tyler.

“How did I get here?” Josh croaks, clearing his dry throat painfully. He sets the water down, it could be drugged. Was he already drugged? He kind of felt like it. He must still be drunk. 

Seth lets out a chuckle.

“I brought you here, welcome to my home. You were going on about how you had no where to go, and was running out of money. You could hardly walk on top of it all, so I figured I’d let you crash here. You’re welcome.”

The last words come out slightly sarcastic, and Josh says thank you as quickly as he can get his tongue to form the words. He doesn’t want to seem ungrateful or upset the man. He’s just very.. lost.

“Did we.. did we do anything?” Josh asks quietly. He’s very, very cold all of a sudden, but his forehead is shining with sweat. He’s shaking so hard his knees clack together. Seth laughs again.

“No. I prefer my partners to not be bawling over another man when we’re fucking, sorry.” The comment stings, but he feels relieved.

“Thank you for letting me stay here. I should.. should probably go though..” Josh says, trying to stand to his feet. The nausea hits him so fast he has to sit back down immediately. The whole room is swirling around him.

“No offense, but I don’t think you’re in a position to go anywhere right now. And not to be in your business, but you said last night you have nowhere to go.. so what’s your plan?”

Josh shakes his head, panting shallowly. He doesn’t have a plan. He has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. All he knows is he feels _TERRIBLE_ and shouldn’t be staying here. Unfortunately, his body isn’t cooperating with him.

“Tell you what. Just hang out here for a bit longer and then we’ll figure something out. I have some work to do from home, but I won’t bug you too much. Just watch whatever you want on the TV. I’ll get you some pain meds, and I’d drink that water if I were you. I see you already found your puke bucket, just clean it out when you’re done. Hangovers are a bitch, I know.”

Josh nods, too weak and nauseous to argue. Seth hands him the remote to the huge TV on the wall, and starts to walk away. Josh doesn’t notice until now how huge this place is. He’s sure it’s nice too, even if all he can focus on right now is the white of the walls.

“Am I in Ohio?” Josh blurts out, looking to Seth for answer. Seth stops and looks at him with a confused (and somewhat humored) look on his face.

“No, honey. You’re in Chicago.”

Josh pukes into the bucket. ****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo boy 
> 
> (All the comments on this make me so happy, thank you so so much❤️)


	5. Paralyzed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for some ANGST??? :)  
> Mentions of being drugged/raped in this chapter. Stay safe.

Seth was kind to Josh. At first.

Josh recovered from his hangover from hell, and Seth offered for him to stay until he figured out his next move. Josh was wary at first, but he didn’t have many options so he reluctantly agreed. He didn’t want to sleep in his car, after all. 

Seth was a business man, who was very well off and did most of his work from home. Meaning he was always around to be there for Josh.

Seth became a shoulder to cry on, and listened to Josh’s story of how he ruined his life after a few beers. He didn’t judge Josh for any secret he told, he told Josh that he deserved better than Tyler. Someone that understood him. And even though Josh didn’t think there was anyone better than Tyler, he appreciated the kindness. Josh quickly started to view Seth as a friend. 

And one night, when Josh had so much to drink he couldn’t even remember his own name (Seth always gave him the best alcohol), Seth kissed him. Josh let it happen, figured it couldn’t hurt anything. Tyler was gone, he didn’t want Josh anymore so what was the point? And Seth looked more like Tyler the more drinks he downed. 

_ Maybe he can be my new Tyler. _

Seth didn’t stop kissing him after that, and with kissing came touching. And that’s when Josh started to realize that it was all wrong.

Seth’s touch was nothing like Tyler’s. Seth was  _ rough _ , grasping Josh’s ass with his calloused hands so hard that he winced. Seth backed Josh against the wall with a force that knocked the wind out of him. He blinked in a daze as Seth growled in his ear, and jolted in shock as Seth palmed him through his sweatpants.

Josh had never become sober so quickly.

Josh moved away from Seth as quickly as he could, before things got too heated and he was laid onto the bed. He knew this wasn’t right, knew Seth could never replace Tyler. Nobody could. He felt _**sick**_ for even thinking it.

“S-sorry,” Josh said quickly, giving a shaky laugh, “I’m just- I don’t want to.. to do anything else. It’s not right, you know?”

There was a buzzing silence for a moment. Josh gave Seth what he hoped was an apologetic smile, but it disappeared quickly as he saw Seth’s expression.. His eyes were cold, but an eerie smile was plastered on his face.

“That’s fine, Josh. I’ll wait till you’re ready.”

Josh didn’t think he would ever be ready, would ever want anyone other than Tyler, but he kept that to himself.

After that night, Seth was more forceful with each day that passed, and it put Josh on edge constantly. If Josh said something wrong, Seth would become furious with the snap of a finger. If he had been drinking, he would insult Josh. He called him a failure, a fucking leech for living off of him with nothing in return. He told Josh that he deserved to be alone, he should be thankful that Seth took his worthless ass in. And Josh agreed.

Josh had to drink every night now, and if Seth gave him some pills to help him relax, he had to take those too. And if Seth tried to kiss him, Josh had to reciprocate. When he didn’t, Josh was slapped so hard he saw stars. 

It only took two months for Josh to have no idea who he was anymore. The constant drinking, drugs, and every decision being made for him; He felt like a puppet. Josh didn’t think he could handle making his own decisions, so maybe he should be thankful that he had someone to tell him what to do.

It took two short months for any caring, kind facade Seth had to completely shatter. When Seth said he wanted to fuck him, Josh paled, mind going into panic mode. When Josh gave a shaky but firm no, Seth chuckled, and slapped him with a burning hot force. When Josh said no, _no_ _no no nono,_

when he flailed against Seth’s strong arms and fought to get away from him, Seth stuck a needle in his arm. Josh was on the floor before he could even react, his eyes frozen in horror.

And then,

Josh’s head was turning inside out.

He laid on the king size bed, struggling to breathe and think at the same time. His face was pale and his entire body sweat-soaked. If he could get himself to speak, he would have screamed for help. For someone to take him home, _God_ he wanted to go home,  _He should have tried to go home_.  Josh felt a painful moan leave his throat at the thought. A tear slipped down the side of his face as a muscle spasm jerked his body. Josh could hear Seth  _tsk_ and murmur above him, but couldn’t get his eyes to move to find him.

“My poor baby..” Seth cooed.

Josh wanted to go home. 

He tried with everything he had not to not think about the  _PAIN_ he was feeling in a place he didn’t want to think about, it shouldn’t have happened  _he didn’t want to_ and now he was trapped in his own body with no way to escape.

“Maybe next time you won’t be such a prude, and I won’t have to take such drastic measures, huh honey? I want you to enjoy it after all. The sex  _and_ the drugs, not use them as a punishment.”

Josh began to hyperventilate, because apparently that’s only thing his body could still do.  _Please let me go home I can’t I can’t what the hell did I do to deserve this I want Tyler TYLER TYLER I’m sorry please help me ple-_

Josh should have never crushed his phone. 

Josh should have never gone to that bar, Josh should have never trusted Seth, and Josh should have ran away from this house when he still had  **some** control of his body. He should have ran to his shitty car, slammed on the gas and drove back to Ohio.

Josh had no idea why this was happening to him. He didn’t know what he was being punished for. He didn’t know if he would ever get back to Ohio, he didn’t know if Tyler was even thinking about him ( _he had been gone for a while, is anyone looking for him?_ )

All he knew was that Seth was insane, and eventually would kill him. And Josh didn’t know how to get away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter but I rewrote it 3 times and then gave up. Soooo hope you enjoyed!


	6. Stuck

Josh screamed as the harsh fingers in his hair yanked on his scalp, tearing strands of curls out of his head. He landed with a grunt onto the ground, Seth tossing him down away from the door. Tears welled in Josh’s eyes.

He was _so_ close.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Seth spat, staring down at Josh with a look of rage that Josh would never get used to. “You think you can just leave? After all I’ve done for you?!”

Seth kicked Josh in the side, forcing him to crawl father away from the door. Josh shook his head, trying to come up with something to say that would calm Seth down.

“N-no! I wasn’t leaving. I jus-“

“Shut the fuck up. I don’t believe a single word your pathetic ass says anymore.”

“Please! I just wanted to get something from my car!”

His car. The only thing that Josh still owned. It should still be there, in the parking garage next to Seth’s apartment building. If he could just get to it, then he’d be free.

It seemed so far away.

Seth laughed. “Your car? What could you possibly need from your car now, after you’ve been here for months?”

Josh gaped. He truly didn’t have anything in it. All he had now was the car itself. He didn’t even own the clothes he was wearing. He didn’t even own himself.

“You have everything you need here. You’re being ungrateful, as usual. Now get the fuck up and make yourself useful.”

Josh’s heart sinked. He hated that term, knowing exactly what it meant.

“Don’t make me waste the drugs on paralyzing your ass.”

Josh didn’t need to be told twice anymore. He got up slowly, wincing at the pain in his side from being kicked. He couldn’t help but shake as he walked into the bedroom. He didn’t want to be used by Seth, didn’t want to be touched ever again. The thought of it made Josh nauseous, so nauseous with the need to itch, scratch and dig until there was nothing of him left. And God did he scratch, so much so that he couldn’t notice when he was doing it anymore. There was always scabs and sores covering his skinny arms and legs.

Or maybe that was from the drugs that Seth constantly forced into him.

Any physical things that Josh liked about himself had long disappeared. He was nothing but lanky limbs, a gaunt face, and bruises.  Josh forced the thought away, telling himself that he just needed to wait for the right time. He would escape, drive far away where Seth could never touch him again, could never make him “useful” again. 

If being touched, being fucked, was the only thing that made him useful, then he wanted to be useless for eternity. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short I know :( I’m having to time to write lately. Hang in there with me


End file.
